Magic

Medicine, sorcery, the supernatural

My thoughts and feelings about magic are complex. I have always had a difficult time deciding whether or not to believe in powers like this.
Most of my trouble comes from the idea that *I* am spiritually gifted. I have always been told that my bloodline is powerful, and that my dreams, premonitions, self awareness, intelligence, and singing are all supernaturally boosted. My spirit has been said to be a bright burning star, so bright that it hurts to look at, and so my father taught me to meditate when those with sight-beyond-sight look at me. Thus, I learned from an early age to clear my mind whenever I am in public.
I have many experiences that tell me these powers are real. I foresaw the birth of my cousin, 3 months before it was announced that her mother was pregnant, and had been for 2 months. The only person I told of my vision was my grandmother, who was just as surprised as I was that it was true.
When I dream, I dream of powerful beings, beings my elders have no names for.
When I prayed with my friend for the first time, he saw in me that bright burning star, even though he did not know my true name nor had I ever told him that that is my soul.
When I sing, I feel the spirits dancing around me, I feel the heartbeat of the earth with every stroke of the stick.
When I have asked for help, I have received it.

However, doubt still creeps in my mind. It is a boon to have a reputation for spiritual power, for people will come to you for help in all things, and you gain many allies for having such a reputation. It is a boon to be seen as intelligent, for much of the same. It is a good enough reason to foster such a thing, and to have it pass down along your bloodline is better, for your family will be looked at favorably by your community, at least in the culture I live in. These experiences could be coincidence, my friend may have heard from another about me or my name, what I feel may simply be delusions caused by a latent mental illness.

This, compounded by my innate skepticism, makes my feelings on the matter clouded. Especially when we look to other religions. If my powers are real, and these spirits are real, why then do I see no evidence for such a thing in the greater world? Anecdotally, sure: I have heard plenty of stories of Christians being saved by their guardian angel, wiccans who say their spells have worked, and pagan friends who have had experiences similar to mine, however, these anecdotes are not evidence of true supernatural power.

I am aware of studies done by the US government on magic, specifically extra sensory perception, which is very familiar to me as waking-dreams, but I have a hard time trusting such things done in secret, and they found no application for it in the real world, even if it does exist. How is that possible? If it’s real, it should have plenty of application, especially in intelligence gathering.

Then I remember the truth which I have discovered in a moment of clarity: Our perception is the world, and all else is an illusion. What we see, experience, feel, connect with, those are the real things. All else matters not, and our perception itself is a magical thing. It is a construct of the mind, built off information, which comes from specialized organs which convert the conceptual things of science: waves, energy, movement, into reality.

Magic is real because I have experienced it. Regardless of my, and anyone else’s, doubts.